


First Love Feels Like Home

by lego_flans



Series: Wherever You Stray, I Follow [2]
Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Comedy, Eventual Happy Ending, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-22 02:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30031602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lego_flans/pseuds/lego_flans
Summary: Sometimes, the people you idolize aren't who you think they are. Nineteen-year-old Xuxi learned this the hard way, after six years of blind admiration for his beloved role model Lee Taeyong. As he enters the same university as his senior who graduated four years ago, Xuxi finally gets a closer look at the person he used to revere with all his heart and along the way, he tries to figure out if what he really feels can still be considered "love".
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: Wherever You Stray, I Follow [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165892
Kudos: 9





	1. Why You Probably Shouldn't Meet Your Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> Hii! Thanks for waiting haha I'm finally done halfway through~~  
> This is just the start of a pretty wild ride :'>  
> I'll try my best to update on a weekly basis (every Sunday) so please stay tuned~~  
> Btw the number of chapters might change (for the longer oof) so 18 chapters ain't really super super final but we'll see along the way 👀  
> However, the chapters will be quite consistent in length, ranging from about 4k-5k words each ahuuu 👀  
> ((there are also other side ships you'll see in the next chapter so watch out for that too ig))

The blinding neon lights, the intoxicating scent of liquor intermingling with the stench of strangers’ sweat, and the deafening EDM music blasting from the humongous speakers—it might probably be the first time that Huang Xuxi, in the nineteen years of his life, has been fully immersed in a scenery that his provincially-raised-self had previously found debaucherous. He had only seen these kinds of things in raunchy, coming-of-age movies but he had never imagined that he would one day experience all of it.

After all, earlier that day, he made a promise with his mom that he would return home from his college freshman orientation activities before it gets past 10 PM. It might be an hour and a half bus ride before he gets home but Xuxi really wanted to reassure his mom that he was doing fine and that he was responsible enough to be trusted to thrive in the city. That said, it was also expected of him to be able to keep the strict routine of going back and forth from home and university every single day. Overlooking the really big hassle that it brings, it was all just to make sure that he isn’t up to some funny business.

Another thing Xuxi promised his mom is that he would never, ever be influenced by all the sorts of “demoralizing” ideals that people in the cities had. His mom made him promise that he would never go drinking and partying in the club where people supposedly strip and grind against each other. Her reasoning was mostly based on the fact that she and her father sent Xuxi out into the city to _study_ instead of indulging in the overly liberated practices of city folk.

_If you just want to head for the city to play, drink, and party, then we wouldn’t have invested so much in you just to ensure your entrance in a top-class university!_ He recalls his mother reprimanding him, as unnerving guilt slowly takes ahold of his mind. They were far from lying though, as Xuxi’s parents did actually enroll him into a cram school and even signed him up for private tutoring sessions, just to make sure that their son excels in his studies and gets into a prestigious school. Of course, that wouldn’t be enough if Xuxi himself didn’t make huge leaps of effort as well. He didn’t exactly have an inherent talent in studying but because his parents had high expectations from him, he felt like he had to give it his all.

However, giving his parents all the credit for his motivation would probably be unfair to the other reason why Xuxi was so determined to succeed in his academic endeavors. In cases like this, it has always been important for aspiring kids to have a grand role model, to whom they look up to—someone whom they would think the whole world of. However, unlike how visually artistic children might find a lot of inspiration from Van Gogh or Picasso, or academically motivated folks take motivation from the likes of Einstein and Curie, Xuxi’s role model was someone who was a little more within his reach.

Back when he was in middle school, there was a famous high school student whom everyone looked up to and basically worshipped as the patron saint of academic endeavors. His grades were at the top of their class, as he aced each and every subject—even those that the terrifying and stricter teachers taught. Because of this academic prowess, it was also no wonder how popular he was in cram school, as he took the top spot in the national exams. He was even seated at the position of student council president during his second year in high school, despite not being part of the graduating class. Moreover, his looks and stature were as pristine and divine as his personality, that words alone cannot hope to paint and sculpt him an image that would do him justice. Needless to say, almost, if not every student in that school was captivated by the epitome of perfection itself, the ever-immaculate Lee Taeyong. To this consensus, Xuxi was no exception.

Simply put, it was a crush. But not any simple form of _crush_ for apparently, it was enough to fuel young Xuxi through countless caffeine-powered nights, turned to weeks, months, and years. Until it became a lifestyle.

He greatly idolized this person, who in fact doesn’t even seem to be one. How could someone be so incredibly good at all things there is? To Xuxi and the rest of the faces in the crowd who looked up to him, it was as if Taeyong was a god who had come and set foot to Earth, gracing every person he encounters with his divine presence. He aspired to be like that as well. Though it may seem too childish, he hoped that if he ever got to Taeyong’s level, he could be deserving of his attention.

Xuxi spent a good two years of his middle school life setting his eyes on his role model until the day came when the latter graduated and went into college. Although the two years might have seemed to be a little too short, Taeyong left an immense impact on him. Ever since his idol graduated from high school, Xuxi knew he had to see him again.

And, who would have thought, as hard work, in the form of sleepless caffeine powered nights, often pays off in the end, Xuxi eventually made it into the qualifiers list of the prestigious university that his role model is also enrolled into. Having entered a Sports Science degree program in the university, he can finally see the man of his dreams once again. Even if Xuxi knew that they had different courses, as Taeyong is currently taking up Veterinary Studies, his desire to see his role model remained the same.

But alas, after all that hard work, the nineteen-year-old finds himself seated inside a booth of a club, along with strangers he had only met today, fully immersed in the chaotic atmosphere of the night life that his parents had warned him about. He fully knew that he broke the promise that he had made with his parents, before his college classes have even started. He also grew disappointed with himself upon realizing that the person he looks up to the most, the Taeyong that he reveres with all his heart, would be caught dead before coming to a place like this.

Whatever happened to being someone that person deserves? He simply felt like the largest disappointment in the face of the earth. Classes haven’t even started and he already felt like he had accidentally wandered off into the wrong track in life. As Xuxi wallows in that barrage of thoughts, the feeling of guilt only weighed heavier upon his heart.

_I shouldn’t be here._

Perhaps the issue was that he was too much of a pushover, given that he had never been exposed to such things. Curiosity got the best of him and he eventually tagged along with the upper classmen who went to the club after the orientation program, as he pushed down all rational thought and previous promises he had made.

Initially, Xuxi was revolted at the thought that people from a high-end school would go to clubs and bars to relax and unwind but he was later convinced that it might be something normal in the city, anyways. He had always been blinded to the misconception that smart, rich people would play porcelain chess in their high-ceiling condominium units or mansions, dressed in expensive loungewear robes, for their pastime.

_To hell with it. It can’t be that bad_ , was the last thought that entered Xuxi’s mind before he plunged into the biggest culture shock he had in his life, headfirst. He had never imagined that the rich city kids would be into bottomless cocktails, drinking games, floor grinding, and all those sorts of things. Disillusionment at its finest, indeed.

After his mind was flushed out of the thoughts that came through it the moment that he entered the club, a void of regret immediately took its place. However, Xuxi felt that it might be too impolite to leave the exact moment he came in and so he stayed for a while longer, constantly insisting on his loyalty to the free glasses of orange juice that he downed one after another like how others did to their mugs of beer. At least, he couldn’t get the situation any worse than it already was.

Nonetheless, he shudders at the thought of coming home to his parents packing up his belongings and sacking him out of the house for being such a disobedient child. He just wanted to find a hole and bury himself in it before he had to face his parents’ horrendous wrath back at home.

But Xuxi had no choice. He knew that he still had to return home, and that it was probably the time for him to do so. He glanced at his wristwatch and almost winced when he saw the time.

_11:50 PM_. The digital screen glowed green.

_Aw, shit._

He knew that his parents would really kill him when he gets home but he was ready for it. _It’s my fault for tagging along anyways_ , Xuxi thought as he accepted the doomed fate that awaited him in his house. He held onto the belief that his parents would never pull him out of a prestigious university because if so, then all their investments would go to waste. In the worst-case scenario, he was imagining, that they would cut off a really large portion of his allowance.

Xuxi even felt like he should check his phone for missed calls but knew that looking at it would be far more frightening than watching a whole horror movie with killer clowns and nuns. Even the mere thought of it was enough to send shivers down his spine. Perhaps he could just make an excuse when he gets home, saying that his phone ran out of juice. Well, as if that would be enough to explain why he comes home during the wee hours of the night.

He reluctantly got up from his seat and told the upper classmen, with all the politeness he can muster, that he had to go home. Fortunately, to Xuxi’s relief, they were kind enough to understand and let him off the hook. After all, he was just a freshman and there was even a funny saying among seniors that goes “Freshies are friends, not food.”

As he approaches the exit of the club, Xuxi notices that there was some sort of argument or fight going on between three people. Two bulky men were crowding on a man whose frame and build appeared a lot smaller than theirs. It appears that the smaller man was uncomfortable with the situation as one of the other men was forcefully holding onto his wrist. Meanwhile, Xuxi knew a lot better than to engage with strangers’ fights. He didn’t personally know those people and it might have been a personal quarrel so his internal voice of reason insisted that he just stay out of it.

However, upon drawing closer and closer to the exit, he slowly realizes that this person might not have been a stranger to him, at all. The uncomfortable man’s familiar features seemed to have resurfaced some memories from Xuxi’s mind, those of which he can’t put a finger on right away. It brought him such feeling of unease, that he knew he had to pause for a brief moment and try to think about it, without even minding if other people found it weird that he was staring so intently at a situation that was obviously none of his business.

After a couple seconds of taking a speedy trip through memory lane, it was as if a sharp bolt of lightning suddenly struck his head, powering a metaphorical light bulb in his mind.

_Oh._

_Wait, wait—holy shit, what’s he doing here?_

It had been so long ever since Xuxi had seen him close in real life but now that this person was standing over there, near the exit of a nightclub, the supposed lair of debauchery, the nineteen-year-old wondered just what the heck was the divine and sacred Taeyong even doing in a place like this.

The first thing that came to his mind was a silly reasoning that the resurfacing memories earlier miraculously summoned the live image of his crush to the place where he was in. But that was immediately replaced with the attempt for a more rational approach to the question as to why the purest and most innocent person Xuxi could ever think of was inside a club, late in the night. It was like seeing a fish grow legs and walk on land, as if it were only natural for it to do so.

Xuxi wished that he was wrong, and he had been only imagining things. But no, his posture might be staggering a little but there was no mistaking it. Such delicate and immaculate features would only belong to one person in the world—the gods’ favorite person, Taeyong.

While he couldn’t think of a reason why this person would be in such a place, Xuxi was sure of one thing—something that his instincts had been telling him the moment he recognized the person who appeared to be in a state of distress. He needed to get him out of there as soon as he could.

Before Xuxi knew it, he was already walking towards the scene, preparing for a confrontation. With one bold step that could more or less pass for a stomp, he put himself in between the men and his senior and forcefully broke off one of the men’s grip on the latter’s wrist. By sizing them up, Xuxi found out he still towered over them, thanks to his uniquely huge build. It gave him a boost of confidence to take the initiative.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He growled at the two strangers, making his voice sound more imposing but careful enough not to crack it and embarrass himself.

“You. What the hell do you think _you’re_ doing? This is none of your business.” One of the men echoed the question back at him. This one definitely looked enraged due to the intervention. “We had him first.”

_Had him first? What does that mean?_

He took a brief glance at the older man behind him and noticed that the latter seemed to be teetering on the thin line between visibly upset and plainly dazed. He looked extremely uncomfortable but he didn’t speak. It was as if he was afraid to do so. Pushing away all his questions for the meantime, Xuxi knew that it was time to end it once and for all.

“What the _fuck_ do you mean it’s none of my business? I’m his brother and you’re not taking him anywhere.” Xuxi confidently lied, taking a step closer in an attempt to intimidate them. He was not proud of lying but it was the first thing he could think of. He even swore just to come off as more intimidating.

“Brother? You’re his big brother?” The less aggressive man asked, slowly backing away as if in shock. “We never knew he—"

_I’m almost four years younger than him, though._

“And what of it? Do you want me to call the cops on you for sexual harassment?” Xuxi threatened and shot them a piercing, cold glare.

“Come on, man, let’s get out of here. The big brother looks like he could really beat us up.” The more cowardly man whispered to the other one, before they both scampered out of the club like rats whose territory had been discovered.

_Worthless jerks_ , Xuxi huffed. He was relieved that the nerve-wracking situation was already over. He instinctively glanced back at his senior to see how he was doing.

“It’s fine, Taeyong-sunbaenim. It’s me, Xuxi. Do you recognize me?” The situation still doesn’t feel real. Taeyong was there up close and in the flesh. But there was no more luster in his eyes, nor a tinge of life in his movement. At that moment, it seemed that only the distinctively beautiful superficial features that set him apart from the rest of the crowd was left.

“T-thank you.” The response was broken and quite inaudible, as it sounded like his voice was strained. He didn’t answer the question, either, indicating that he might not have recognized Xuxi at all, which slightly broke the latter’s heart. Taeyong only looked at him with his eyes that were clearly blank and out of focus, as if they were staring into a far-off distance.

Upon closer inspection, however, he also caught a whiff the intoxicating scent of alcohol emanating from the older man’s breath and body. He didn’t want to come to such a conclusion but it would perfectly make sense why Taeyong had such a dazed stare from a while ago.

_Oh. He’s clearly drunk_.

He couldn’t see why this could have happened to someone like Taeyong in the first place. Had he truly changed so much over the years, over his stay in the city, that he became barely recognizable, were it not for his appearance? Xuxi was definitely confused but he felt like he had to schedule those questions at a different time and place. He had to deal with the current matter at hand.

“Do you have anyone with you?”

The older man shook his head in a manner that Xuxi found adorable despite his state.

Xuxi didn’t know what to do. He almost forgot that he had to get home to his parents’ house but he also knew that he couldn’t leave Taeyong behind in a night club, all by himself.

_What if he gets harassed again? I can’t let that happen._

“Alright, maybe we should go out for fresh air first. That would be better, right?” Xuxi felt like he could come up with a good solution if he could breathe in something other than the stench of sweat and booze.

***

Hours ago, as he was taking in the wonder of the beautiful landscapes in the university campus where he was supposed to turn a new leaf in life, nineteen-year-old Huang Xuxi didn’t imagine that he would be ending the day like _this_. By _this_ , meaning he would be reunited with his supposedly holier-than-thou old crush after so long, in a nightclub, of all places.

That morning, Xuxi thought it would be wise to bring extra allowance from his savings, just in case he would come across something he would really like to buy. But he didn’t know that he would be spending it like _this_. Booking the cheapest room in the cheapest nearby hotel he could find. It truly felt like the longest and most eventful day of his life.

Of course, Xuxi knew that it looked wrong on so many levels. People shot them weird glances as they made their way towards a hotel. The receptionist lady, however, gave them an “understanding” look. She clearly had the wrong idea about everything but Xuxi was too worn out to make a long, unnecessary explanation to someone he doesn’t even know. In the end, what really matters is the true intention behind what he did. And no, it was in no way a hormonal impulse. In fact, it was the best solution he could ever think of, no matter how it looked in the eyes of other people.

The truth is, after getting no proper response from the drunk Taeyong, when asked where his dorm or apartment was, Xuxi resorted to spending the night in a rented hotel room, just to let the older man sober up until the next morning. There was absolutely no way he would have left the man of his dreams drunk and alone in a night club, knowing that many people would hit on him and try to make unsolicited advances on him. Xuxi had to make sure that Taeyong would get home safely. Even if it means throwing out the original plan of going home as early as he could, out of the window.

Xuxi had always been quite impulsive but he knew for a fact that ensuring Taeyong’s safety was far more important than getting home as early as he could. As for the damage control, it’s a good thing that Xuxi has already thought of a solution as to get around explaining everything to his parents. Getting home late is one thing but it is surely something else to say that you brought your old crush to a hotel and stayed there overnight. As if they would believe that no funny business happened during their stay there. Hormonal impulses and unresolved feelings are never a good combination. There is absolutely no way they would trust Xuxi ever again if he tells them that.

Stricken with one of the most genius ideas he has ever thought of, in his entire life, Xuxi then grabs his definitely-not-out-of-juice smartphone from his sling bag and started contacting the most trustworthy person he ever knew. It was his only hope to get out of the sticky situation he has unexpectedly entangled himself in.

<Me>

dude

i got a favor to ask

<Dunk it Hendery>

bruh

how dare u

BREAK MY FIREBIRD EXPERT FULL COMBO

<Me>

um

oops

<Dunk it Hendery>

i hate u

how can i ever make it up to my daughter ako-chan

ur shit better be worth more than that combo

<Me>

ok so

you gotta text my mom that my phone ran out of battery

and the orientation went on for longer than expected

and im staying with you for the night

so she wont get worried

<Dunk it Hendery>

huh

why wat happened

wait where r u actually staying tonite

<Me>

damn youre like my mom

so many questions

<Dunk it Hendery>

answer me or im not helping u

u broke my combo for this

i should at least know why

promise i wont judge

unless???

<Me>

fine

so

im in a hotel rn

<Dunk it Hendery>

HOLY SHIT

OH MY GOD I KNEW IT AHAHAHA

ICB U HAVENT EVEN STARTED COLLEGE AND YOU ALREADY GOT LAID

<Me>

NO

<Dunk it Hendery>

HUANG XUXI UR AN ADULT NOW

OKOK UR FORGIVEN

<Me>

FUCK YOU ITS NOT LIKE THAT

THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANNA TELL YOU UGH

<Dunk it Hendery>

make sure to use protection oke *wink wonk*

or have u like already done the deed hmmmm

<Me>

IM TELLING YOU IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

<Dunk it Hendery>

*press X to Doubt*

<Me>

ugh whatever ill treat you to smth next week just do it

im too tired to explain rn so ill just tell you there

<Dunk it Hendery>

okeoke

i want chicken hehe

also pls make sure not to leave out any

joosy details 😉

<Me>

okok whatever

night night

and thanks

It was a relief that Guanheng was always reliable, even though he can annoy Xuxi sometimes. Well, not just sometimes. But maybe it just feels like that when you’ve grown up with another person who is around your age. Some chicken actually doesn’t seem too expensive and dealing with Guanheng’s annoying and snoopy personality doesn’t seem like a lot to deal with, if it would guarantee his parents’ trust in exchange.

Now that the issue with his parents is finally out of the way, the only thing that Xuxi would worry about is the senior that he likes, sleeping peacefully in the soft cotton bed. How he would explain the whole situation to him the next day when he wakes up and everything. And even though so much questions were running through his mind, Xuxi nevertheless felt proud of his role as a guardian angel for the person he liked. He never imagined that such situation would actually come to happen. And it filled his heart with a weird sense of joy—that he was needed by someone important to him.

But if there was one thing that would continue to bug him even after this fiasco is over, it might have been the concept that Lee Taeyong might not be the perfect person that Xuxi initially believed he was.

_I’m sure he has his reasons._ Xuxi simply thinks to himself, giving Taeyong the benefit of the doubt as he watches him peacefully dozing off on the white double-bed, still in his stuffy flannel jacket and faded ripped jeans. It didn’t look like the most comfortable sleepwear, compared to the complimentary bathrobe that the hotel staff arranged in the room but Taeyong really seemed like he was sleeping well enough, anyways.

Truth be told, it was the first time that Xuxi saw his role model in such a vulnerable state for as far as he could remember, the divine Lee Taeyong had always stridden across the hallways of their school with such unreal poise and grace. There might as well be a halo on top of his head. He had a different aura around him that it completely looked as if he would never, ever be caught in a bad state of any sort. But even while he is sleeping, Xuxi figured that Taeyong is still the most beautiful human being he has ever laid his eyes on.

Overtaken by his own feelings of endearment, the nineteen-year-old felt a slight urge to touch his senior’s face. Xuxi could only imagine doing it before, what it would be like to glide his fingers along that beautiful, pristine complexion. In reality, he knew better than to actually do it, as it might come off as taking advantage of the situation.

But before he could stop his impulsive urges, he already found his hand sweeping a few strands of Taeyong’s hair to the side of his face. Xuxi hasn’t even processed the embarrassing stunt he just did, when all of a sudden, the older man whimpered and leaned into the touch, like a cat receiving a pat on the head.

And he suddenly remembered what his childhood friend was telling him about getting laid tonight.

_No, what the fuck._

Xuxi’s cheeks and ears immediately turned red and a flush of warmth rushed to his face. His heart was pounding in his chest uncontrollably, that it resonates in his ears. At this point, he might as well be convinced that he was dreaming. Nothing felt real in that moment and everything was just so overwhelming that he couldn’t take it all in immediately. He almost didn’t even notice that he still hasn’t removed his hand from the side of Taeyong’s face.

“I-I’m sorry,” Xuxi gathered what was left of his senses but before he could even move his hand away, a pair of smaller hands moved up to his wrist and clasped his right.

Taeyong’s grip on his hand wasn’t, in any way, tight and forceful. It was rather helpless, like an infant grabbing an adult’s fingers with all the strength its little body could muster. As if he wanted to hold on but he just had little to no energy left in him.

He mumbled, almost inaudibly, “Please, please don’t go…”

There was an obvious hint of pain to those words. But Xuxi didn’t know why. He had absolutely no idea what grave circumstances could have caused the older man to seem this, and he could have never imagined that he would use this word to describe Taeyong, of all people, _miserable_. He knew nothing. And yet, the sound of his senior’s voice was enough to make Xuxi feel as if his heart was about to break. He couldn’t even pull his hand away anymore. Even though it feels so wrong that he might have been just taking advantage of the older man’s intoxicated and dazed state.

It might be none of his business, but deep inside, Xuxi was curious as to what Taeyong might have been dreaming about in that moment.

“I-I’ll do anything… Please, why can’t it be me instead?” He sobbed and sniffled, his grip slightly tightening around Xuxi’s hand. He didn’t want to let go, no matter how much he looked like in pain. It was an utterly unbearable sight for the younger man. Merely looking at his senior’s face, as tears trickled down those cheeks, was enough to make Xuxi cry as well.

He glanced at his hand, that Taeyong had been clasping as if his life had depended on it. The touch was real and tangible but there was a distant feeling to it. The fact that he knew nothing about as to why his senior has been suffering like this, was just on another level of heartbreaking. Taeyong might not even be actually thinking of Xuxi as he held his hand. But the older man looked so fragile in that moment that Xuxi couldn’t think of anything else but a strong urge to protect him, to hold him close.

But there was no way he could just—

“I swear, I can make you happy too,” Taeyong dazedly muttered, interrupting Xuxi’s thoughts. “Yunoh…”

_Oh_.

Upon the mention of another name, Xuxi felt as if he had broken away from whatever illusion he initially had. He suddenly became aware of the distance that stood between him and the person he had idolized for so long. But what was he really expecting?

Taeyong couldn’t even remember him, after all those years. Because, to him, Xuxi was only one of the faces in the crowd who looked up to him with blind admiration. Even geniuses who had all the intelligence in the world couldn’t be bothered to memorize or note down things that they consider irrelevant.

Xuxi was only one of those who looked at him with such loving eyes, but didn’t actually know anything about him. He only knew what he, and everyone else in that fan club saw, but no one actually saw anything else beyond that perfection. He even felt that he witnessed a side to Taeyong that he shouldn’t even see in the first place, considering the actual distance between them. Xuxi felt his hand loosen from the grip the older man had on it, until he was able to let go from that touch, at last.

_This is wrong_ , he finally thought.

Pulling Xuxi away from his thoughts once more, Taeyong’s hands reached out to his face, tracing its outline with his fingers. It was as if he felt the touch of Xuxi’s hand, or whose hand he might think it was, slip away from his own.

Taeyong’s eyes fluttered open but he still had that dazed look in his eyes, clearly intoxicated by god-knows-how-much alcohol his body had taken in. He feebly sat right up and met Xuxi’s eyes with his own blank, forlorn gaze.

Their faces were so close together, that Xuxi could feel the older man’s breath on his face. Then the latter spoke,

“Tell me, am I not enough for you?”

“You don’t know what you’re doing.” With minimal force, he brushed his senior’s delicate hands away from his face. It wasn’t right. He knew that it wasn’t really his face that Taeyong was seeing. He was imagining someone else sitting at the side of the bed with him. Under sober, alcohol-free circumstances, this wouldn’t happen. It shouldn’t even be happening. Xuxi couldn’t bring himself to look at his senior in the eyes.

“I see. Then please just…”

Instead of pulling away because of the outright rejection that Xuxi would never have dreamed nor considered of doing to his beloved senior until seconds ago, Taeyong leaned in closer to the younger man’s face. As the inexperienced nineteen-year-old slowly braced for what he expected was an untimely kiss, that he cannot refuse due to the confusion brought upon by the tricky situation, he was met with an anticlimactic resolution to the tension that hung over in the air as Taeyong slung his head against his shoulder. The older man’s arms slowly embraced Xuxi’s larger frame. He helplessly muffled his own sobs by burying his face in the shoulder of the younger man’s jacket.

“I’m s-sorry…”

Xuxi knew that Taeyong wasn’t thinking of him, as he was holding him in that embrace. Taeyong was thinking of the person he has unrequited feelings for. Xuxi fully knew that and although thoughts of reluctance were dancing around his head, he found himself returning the gesture by wrapping his arms around the older man’s delicate and vulnerable frame. Xuxi patted his back as the only form of consolation he knew, for it was also what he did whenever the younger cousins he babysat were crying.

It felt a little wrong at first but Xuxi knew he had to comfort him, somehow. As long as it wouldn’t get too intimate, or they would both regret it. But for now, this was fine. A good old hug would do the trick.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. Yeah, probably…”

Just like that, the longest night of Xuxi’s life ended with him hugging and consoling the man of his dreams to go back to sleep like a whiny baby. Considering everything else that has led up to that situation, it was incredibly weird for him. But he wasn’t sure whether he actually disliked it or not.


	2. Adults' Daily Lives Are Always Filled With Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong wakes up to the worst morning of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! Early update here because I finished my schoolwork earlier than I expected~~  
> Btw the chapters would be alternating in focus, like for example, you can expect a xuxi focus next update,,,  
> Anyways, I hope y'all like this chapter because finally we'll be seeing a sober yong lmaooo

A searing pain at the back of his throat is the first thing that Taeyong noticed when he woke up in the morning. The next thing was an overwhelming migraine that seemed to have the strongest death grip on his head. Everything that happened the night before felt like a fever dream that somehow jumped into the real world and took a huge toll on his physical well-being. Attempting to remember only worsened the headache and beyond drinking himself near to death in a night club, and spending the night dancing and partying with strangers he didn’t even catch the names of, he couldn’t really recall anything else. It was all a blur and somehow, he has miraculously found himself lying down on his bed, in the comfort of his own apartment.

Taeyong suddenly regrets downing glass after glass of bottomless cocktails from the club, for he didn’t know that those seemingly harmless fruit juice-tasting concoctions would actually set his throat on fire the morning after. Even the headache is so unbearable to him, that he just wants to lie down all day and take a break just so that he could recover. But deep inside, he knew that he couldn’t. He had to read up in advance for the readings included in the upcoming semester’s course guide, so that he could open up more time to prepare for his undergraduate thesis.

Being carefree is truly a luxury of youth. But it wasn’t a privilege that Taeyong had even when he was still in his teens. So, after that one night when he just decided to throw and forget everything else, he gets hit in the head with his responsibilities, first thing in the morning. As if there wasn’t even time to recover from the biggest heartbreak he has experienced in his whole life. It’s so, so tough, being an adult.

_Great, just great._

Oh, how Taeyong wishes to have a day in his life wherein he would just bury himself the whole time in the soft white pillows and fluffy quilted blanket of his soft memory foam bed. As he wraps himself up in a cocoon of the quilted blanket, his nose takes in a peculiar aroma that is enough to put him into another round of deep sleep.

_Wait a second_.

Part of his consciousness has been regained.

_I don’t have a memory foam bed._

_Nor are my blankets and pillows THIS soft._

_Wait. Wait. Wait._

_This doesn’t smell like my cologne._

That was when Taeyong heard the sound of running water from the bathroom shower, echoing inside walls of an unfamiliar place that is strangely painted pale beige all over, like a new house. He suddenly sat up on the bed, even though the abrupt movement strained his body. As he looked around the room, it just sank in that he wasn’t actually inside his own apartment. Fear and anxiety paralyzed him into place, as he couldn’t even bring himself to move from the bed.

_Just what the hell happened last night?_

He tries to recall and recount but no memories immediately come up. There was only a blur and intensified headache. The next thing he checked was his clothes and his smartphone. Thank goodness everything was intact, especially his undergarments. His wallet and phone were still inside the side pocket of his jeans. It heightened the possibility that nothing weird actually happened the night before and he had successfully protected his chastity and belongings from whatever threat there was.

The sound of the bathroom door unlocking pulled Taeyong away from his relieved state of mind. Anxiety gripped his chest as he anticipated who could come out of the door, and even though he considered the thought of hiding himself in the blankets for a second, like a silly little kid, he knew it would be futile. His heart was vigorously pounding in his own chest and he didn’t even know what to expect nor how to prepare for such a troublesome situation that awaited him. All he can think of, to ease his mind and immerse in an illusion that he has a perfect hold of the situation, is to prepare an apology for the person whom he spent the night with, by accident.

_Look, I’m sorry for whatever I did last night. I actually have someone I like so please, whatever might have happened last night, just forget it. And I will, too. Okay? Okay._ Taeyong rehearsed in his head. But the moment he saw the person who was coming out of the bathroom, he tripped on his own words, and the pain at the back of his throat hindered him from forming an audible sentence.

The stranger who walked out of the bathroom turned out to be, and Taeyong couldn’t stress this enough, a _really, really handsome_ tall, young man who had a larger build than he had. He was dressed in a blue windbreaker, a loose white shirt, and denim pants that loosely hung over his ankles. Taeyong was actually at a loss for words as he gazed at the stranger’s unbelievably attractive face. It might have been because of the disoriented feeling but he somehow sensed that he had actually seen this person before but he just couldn’t point out when and where.

The other man was drying his hair with a towel, and noticing that Taeyong had already awoke, said in the most trying-hard casual voice ever, “Oh, you’re awake.”

_Shit, why is his voice that husky and deep? And why does he sound so awkward?_

“D-did… Did something happen between us?” Taeyong wanted to punch himself so badly for actually saying this, first thing to the stranger but, there he went, making himself look like a total idiot as he tried his best to form words even though his throat felt so strained.

_Ah, I wanna bury myself in dirt._ He immediately thought after forcing the words out of his mouth. He thought that he didn’t even ask about his name or apologize for his apparent behavior the previous night.

Taeyong had initially thought that no funny business might have happened the night before because his clothes have been perfectly intact with his body but the moment of pause, which he assumed to be that of hesitation, seemed to say otherwise. The other man appeared to have slightly blushed as well, as he averted his gaze from Taeyong. The latter initially had the impression that this man is tough and stoic but seeing him all embarrassed like this made Taeyong think twice.

“No.”

_Yep, that sounds like bullshit_. Call Taeyong biased but he could swear that was the most unconvincing tone he has ever heard. But who could blame him? It would actually be less commonplace to not hook up after drinking and grinding on each other the whole night.

“Really?”

Right, Taeyong didn’t really think things through when he replied with that. It was already a second too late before he realized. Now it just sounded like he was disappointed that nothing special transpired from the previous night.

“Please believe me. Y-you were really drunk last night and there were guys harassing you in the bar. So, I stepped in and got you out of there but when I asked you where your apartment was, you weren’t answering properly. I couldn’t just leave you alone there so I, well, brought you to this hotel. I promise you, that’s just it.”

Hearing the whole story as narrated by the other boy only intensified the migraine in Taeyong’s head. It all sounded like some wacky romcom script, that is made for young people to raise their standards when it comes to romance. There is no way, someone would be so kind to a stranger. And look THAT good at the same time.

This isn’t a cheesy drama. This is reality. And in reality, normal people who see a person getting into trouble would know better than getting involved with other’s problems. It might come off as too cruel but no one could blame them. Passers-by shouldn’t be held accountable for problems that aren’t their own. It wasn’t their responsibility. And yet, this guy…

As though Taeyong shot him the most unconvinced look ever, he seemed like he felt the need to prove himself so he added, “If you won’t believe me, then check your hips if they hurt. I-I heard it really hurts if… you know.”

The secondhand embarrassment made it hard for Taeyong to watch a grown man become all flustered while explaining intercourse. But the stranger had a point. He noticed that even though his body ached like the devil, his hips weren’t actually weirdly paralyzed or something like that.

_This boy might just be telling the truth._

And if nothing actually happened that night, then it would only be proper to give him proper thanks for actually being a respectful and decent person who would know better than do blindly screw a helpless drunk over.

“It’s just… I’m sorry, it’s hard to believe that you would be so willing to help a stranger like me.” Taeyong explained himself. “Don’t get me wrong, I hope you know where I’m coming from but yeah… Anyways, I guess I should really thank you for actually treating me with respect, despite being drunk.”

“Well, truth is,” the other man began after sighing, as if preparing for another long explanation. “you’re not completely right. To you, I might be a stranger, but you’re someone I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“We went to the same school. I was in middle school when you were in high school. I mean, every single person who went to that school knew about you, Taeyong-sunbaenim. You’re a stranger to no one.”

“Oh my god. Holy shit.”

Just the mere thought of his high school days was enough to throw Taeyong into a loop. He was well aware of his popularity in the school, as people were always praising his looks, talents, and grades, left and right. There was even a fan club fully dedicated to him, as cringey it may sound. Taeyong knew that many people looked up to him and this man, who is standing in front of him in that hotel room, was probably one of those people. He could only wonder how scarring it might have been to see someone you admired a long time ago, in such a pathetic state.

All this time, Taeyong had tried his best to establish a Mr. Perfect façade in order to stay out of trouble. But why is it that, when he decided to take it down for once, this had to happen? It would have been so much better if the person who picked him up was a stranger but of course, just like he thought a while ago, no one would be this kind to a stranger. In the end, Taeyong had to accept he was helped because this person knew him. He just doesn’t know whether he could be fully thankful for it or not.

And as if the other boy could see into his thoughts, he spoke, “Please don’t worry. I won’t ask why you were there last night. I’m sure you have your own reasons. And I won’t tell anyone.” A kind, understanding smile formed on the boy’s lips. “I promise, your secret is safe with me.”

Surely, there were a lot of things going on in his mind at that moment but for some reason that he could not explain, Taeyong somehow felt a little bit relieved. There was just something in that smile that compelled him to trust this boy. If a while ago, he couldn’t believe that such story really happened the night before, now he couldn’t believe that a person could be this kind and understanding. He was quite sure that a person who knew him before would most likely laugh at his miserable state, but this kid surprisingly took it much better than anyone would normally expect.

“Your name. What’s your name?” Taeyong finally asked him, curious to know the name of the person he owes a whole lot to.

“Huh? Oh, right.” The boy appeared as if he was caught off-guard. “It’s Huang Xuxi. I’m four years your junior.”

“Four years? Ah no, I mean—I see. Then, thank you, Xuxi. It must’ve been very troublesome to deal with me so if there’s any way I could repay you, then—”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Xuxi insisted. “Really, seeing that you’re fine now is enough.”

“But there should be something… Like, if you want, I could at least treat you to breakfast. Or maybe, I’ll split the room rates with you.” Truth be told, not asking for anything return is only making Taeyong feel uneasy. Being unable to return the favor to someone whom he owes big time is only making him feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. Adults know more than anyone that there is nothing for free in this world anymore.

“No, no, it’s really okay. I already took care of the rates, no big deal. And actually,” he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and as if a switch was flipped in his head, he hastily grabbed his backpack that had been lying on the floor right next to the bed. Taeyong could swear he could see the boy mouth a curse on his lips when he saw the time. “I was also about to go home right now. Since, you know, uh, my parents might be looking for me already…”

There was an obvious rush to his voice, as if he was suddenly itching to get out of the situation. Yet, it was also tinged with embarrassment, probably due to the fact that someone as old as he, still has a curfew to follow. Taeyong didn’t know why it seemed like a formulaic lie that is often used to get out of sticky one night stand situations but based on the boy’s tone and worried facial expression, it appeared as though it might actually be true. If it’s a lie though, then he must be a really good actor.

But before Taeyong could laugh at how a grown 19-year-old man could still be tied to his parents’ whims, his junior had already been casually heading towards the door, making his escape.

“Wait a second—” He wanted to grab Xuxi’s arm to stop him from going, but there was little strength left in his sore body.

“I’ll see you around, Taeyong-sunbaenim. Bye for now!” And just like that, the boy was gone as he already closed the door shut.

“Unbelievable. Is he really fine with that?” he muttered under his breath. First, he saved Taeyong from getting harassed in a nightclub, took him to a hotel and stayed there with him the whole night, and paid for everything. Now, after all that, he believes that it would be alright not to get anything in return. It was as if this Huang Xuxi was under the illusion that everything in the world is all sparkles and rainbows and good deeds. Taeyong is convinced that this person might actually be a kid, after all.

But it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

It might have been just Taeyong, who had been feeling uncomfortable about how everything just went so smoothly. He fails to realize that Xuxi may not have felt the same way when he helped him, for despite his intelligent nature, he still fails to comprehend ways of thinking that he doesn’t personally deem rational. It was too good to be true, to the point that it’s disorienting.

All of a sudden, Taeyong’s thoughts are interrupted by the most normal bodily function that signified an issue that he overlooked ever since waking up and throwing himself into a panicked state of mind. The moment his stomach growled, he knew he had to worry about breakfast first before thinking about the too-good-to-be-true boy, who helped him get through a chaotic situation.

Right, breakfast and the hundred other problems that have been piling up over him every single day, before that boy.

***

Laying down the plastic containing a can of Red Bull and convenient store onigiri on his study table, Taeyong breathed a deep sigh of relief as he finally entered the comfort of his own home. It had apparently been a wild night and while the events haven’t fully sunk into him, Taeyong was just thankful that he was able to make it out alive, in one piece, and with his chastity intact.

He slumped into his gaming hover chair like a ragdoll, and briefly used the moment to immerse himself in the familiar comfort of his own home. Taeyong promised himself that it would be the last time he would haul his introverted ass into a nightclub, no matter how sad he would get. It might be quite a hassle to clean everything up in the apartment after drinking alone but it would be better than waking up in a stranger’s bed the next morning. He was lucky the night before, that someone was there to save him but he might not have such luck the next time he attempts such a miserable feat.

And because it had already become a part of his daily routine before the long hours of working on his readings and finding thesis resources, Taeyong opened Instagram, completely forgetting what could potentially greet him first thing in his feed. Unwittingly munching on his convenient store rice ball, he almost suddenly choked when he saw the first post that loaded on the timeline was that of Yunoh’s. Normally, any update from his crush would make his cold dead heart squeal with the joy.

But not today. Or any day onwards.

The picture was a candid shot of Taeyong’s best friend-slash-Yunoh’s boyfriend, Doyoung, gazing over the cityscape from the former’s apartment balcony with a cup of coffee in his hand, and wearing his lover’s oversized shirt.

It was one way to remind Taeyong of the soul crushing heartbreak that he went through the night before, when he found out that the two had already started dating. Of course, the first thing he did was to congratulate the two with much gusto and emoticons in text, despite feeling as if he was stabbed in the heart a thousand times. And the next step was probably the most embarrassing thing he has ever done in his entire life, aside from simping for the same man that his best friend also fell in love with.

Yet, all he could do was look away.

Just after he swiped down to see other posts, as luck would have it, Taeyong was faced with another, if not choke-inducing, cringeworthy picture. It was his ex-roommate and freshly graduated co-organization member, Baekhyun, who posted a selfie together with his boyfriend Chanyeol, during what seemed to be a café date. The former moved out of the apartment because he decided to move in his rich boyfriend’s condominium unit.

Even though Taeyong sometimes couldn’t stand how loud Baekhyun is, he nevertheless appreciated the company because he never felt alone when his roommate was there. Now, as he gazed at the empty upper bunk bed, he was only reminded of how the fact that he is already on his own. And of course, how he would have to pay nearly double the rent he previously paid their landlord on a monthly basis.

And that was another one of Taeyong’s problems. The expensive rent. But it wasn’t like he could find any cheaper place to stay in, anyways. Especially now that it’s the start of another school year and freshmen have been flooding into the newly vacated apartments and study dorms, left by the students who have already graduated.

“Ugh, just what is it with couples nowadays?” he muttered under his breath, fed up from seeing all the couple pictures in his Instagram timeline. If anything, they only made him feel even more alone than ever. Looking at those pictures, he could only think how nice it must be to be in a relationship where you feel as though you’re the most cherished and loved person in the entire universe. And how nice it feels to live with the one you love, under one roof.

For those people, it must feel like they’re floating on rainbows and sunshine, and everything is twinkling and sparkling. The single people watching them, such as Taeyong, however, must be simply annoyed from seeing all those public displays of affection. It doesn’t also help that most of his problems indirectly came from those same people. But it wasn’t like he can really blame them for how sensitive his heart was and how much he sucks at scouting roommates.

Love might sometimes seem like the best thing in the world, but Taeyong never had the time for it, except for when he inevitably caught feelings for someone. All his life, he had been driven to put career first and foremost, without thinking about anything else. It was all so that he could make his family and friends acknowledge him. But now he is left wondering, if it is truly worth the sacrifice if he couldn’t be filled with happiness in the end. Would he be proud of what he did, even if it means that there is an untended gaping hole in his heart? He often wonders, but decides to push on through with his previously held ideals, anyways.

Suddenly pulling him away from his thoughts, his phone beeped and lit up with a text message notification. It was from his little brother.

<Baby Lion>

HYUUUUNG!!

i tried my best to find a cheaper apartment or

study dorm around there but it’s really super impossible,

tons of freshmen are moving innn ><

what about plan b? you already found a new roomie?

Taeyong sighed upon the message but it was already to be expected, really. The only choice left was to find a new roommate, even though it would be such a pain. What if he hates the other person’s habits? What if the other person makes him uncomfortable? Nevertheless, it was the only way he could pay a cheaper rent. And he was moved by his baby brother’s kind gesture to even take the time to find him a place.

<Me>

It’s okay Mark.

Thanks for trying haha

You kids really like to live alone nowadays huh?

He made up an excuse that no one was just interested to room with him but in reality, he just hasn’t started scouting yet due to the anxiety of having a new roommate. It was not like Taeyong could just tell his little brother that he’s just afraid to look for someone to share the room with. It would have been much easier if he could convince his friends to room with him but unfortunately, they have already had their own apartments and dorms ever since their freshmen years. If only he personally knew someone who needed a room…

<Baby Lion>

well i kinda understand it

kids coddled by their parents like some independence ig

like they yearn for it you kno

<Me>

Haha kids like you?

<Baby Lion>

bruh

legit if only i go to school with you

you know imma room with you

we’re that solid

<Me>

It’s okay.

I know how much you’re looking forward to studying in Canada.

No matter how much you love me, you shouldn’t be

giving up on your dreams for such a trivial matter.

<Baby Lion>

hmmm then

don't you want to contact dad and ask him to buy you your own unit

so like you don’t need to pay monthly anymore??

<Me>

You know I can’t do that.

But it’s going to be okay.

Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be fine.

Your hyung is strong.

<Baby Lion>

ohh then just update me ok?

take care hyung!!

<Me>

You too, Mark. Behave well, okay?

Do your best and fighting!

Don’t forget to eat well and take your vitamins regularly.

Love you.

<Baby Lion>

ily too ><

Even though Taeyong typed out a “don’t worry” for his brother, he knew that the one who was actually worrying the most was himself. He has been thinking that it would be really spell trouble for him if someone weird or shady applied to be his roommate. This was the inevitable Plan B in case Mark couldn’t find a cheaper place where he could stay at.

It also wasn’t like he had enough time to take on a part-time job again, especially because he also has extracurriculars, along with his thesis preparations and particularly stressful Veterinary Medicine fifth year workload.

Truth is, there is also Plan C—his stepfather. The last, last resort that Taeyong wanted to keep locked up inside a safe that he would never want to open. Despite his good relationship with his half-brother, Mark, the latter’s father was a whole different story. After all, asking help from his stepfather was the one thing that he swore he would never do, no matter how terrible the circumstances are. Even the mere thought of that man was enough to make those horrible, unthinkable childhood memories and trauma resurface. If he were to push aside his own feelings of anxiety just to make sure that he wouldn’t have to do that, Taeyong was sure that he would.

Needless to say, he really felt as though every single thing in the universe aligned just to force him into finding a new roommate.

_Then fine_.

With his fingers cold, stiffened, and trembling, he went over to the university’s very own online community forum. It’s a webpage that the computer science majors have been maintaining and facilitating over the years, just to make transactions and communications within the university’s community of students a lot easier.

Another good thing about it was that the person who posts on the page can choose to be anonymous so that not everyone in the school would know that Taeyong is looking for a roommate. After all, he is still aware of his reputation in the university. What would he do if there was a stalker who would apply as his roommate? He would be practically doomed as he imagined his name getting on headlines in the tabloids as the victim of a distasteful tragedy.

Mustering up almost every ounce of courage in his body, Taeyong typed out the most formal roommate-application post on the forum. Even though his finger was shaking a little right before he pressed “post”, he felt a sense of accomplishment wash over him, the moment it was finally published. Without checking whether there was a typo or grammatical error in the post, he immediately exited the page and exhaled a deep sigh. He didn’t want to look back.

_Finally_.

All that’s left is to wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to stream Kick Back and vote for WayV too!!  
> Let's give our boys a win~~


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